Decoding Chronically Online Internet Masculinity, Part I

Is it really "gay" to listen to Lana Del Rey?

Spend any amount of time on social media these days and you’ll encounter arguments galore on basically any hot-button topic you can think of.

Whether it’s Boomer-tier Facebook rants under celebrity videos that are (I guess not so obviously) AI or Gen Alpha abbreviation fests in Tik Tok comments, online debate is at its all-time peak.

Twitter/X is the final boss of these digital town halls, the grandest and most chaotic stage there is.

It’s where zealots, diehards, vagabonds, and raging keyboard warriors alike all type into the void in a futile quest for “winning arguments against strangers on the internet”.

One of the most oft-discussed topics on X over the past decade has been masculinity.

That’s what we’re going to delve into today.

Money, Muscles, and Masculinity

As a longtime Twitter/X inhabitant, I’ve seen a lot of this masculinity debate over the years firsthand (on my 5th account though…I didn’t love the Parag Agrwal days).

The reason for this was the existence of something casually known as Money Twitter.

Any even somewhat ambitious guy who entered the real world in the 2010’s found their way to Money Twitter. It was a group of influencers and writers (Financial Samurai, 30 Days to X, Cernovich, even early days Andrew Tate) who spoke about pursuing career or business success, physical excellence, and crypto and financial education.

Naturally, like any hyper-competitive space that focused on the gym and making money, the topic of what it means to be a man was a constant.

There was sage wisdom smattered in with the most absurd threads you’ve ever seen.

Cogent insight by old heads about having a successful, healthy marriage posted alongside some slighted bro lamenting the fact his romantic rival was chosen despite not being “knife combat certified” like he was (????).

It was golden nuggets of age-old wisdom juxtaposed with dialogue and debate so outlandish it blurred the lines between what was real and what was satire.

That being said, Money Twitter in the late 2010’s was awesome.

Some guys I found on there changed the trajectory of my life, no exaggeration (looking right at BowTied Bull and

Arbitrage Andy

).

However, much like any digital bubble, Money Twitter quickly soured.

What was once an awesome in-group that taught the nuances of holding court in a boardroom or how to pen an S-tier sales letter quickly devolved into dropshipping scammers and crypto ruggers, and then those two groups challenging each other to “MMA fightz bro!1!” in Dubai.

Seriously.

Add in the late 2010’s and 2020’s with MAGA, divisive political issues, Covid tyranny, elections…and the whole thing has just mutated beyond belief.

(and they say women are the ones with all the drama??)

Nonetheless, the stalwarts of the movement are still there, and amidst the drama and noise and rightwing sycophancy remains solid information and guidance, especially in the crypto space.

There’s also the constant, now over a decade long arguments over what it means to be a man, which change at a pace just as rapid as the crazy world around us.

This leads me to the tweet I discovered recently that I wanted to discuss today.

It’s juicy, so we’ll need two parts here- but without further adieu:

As you can see, this tweet was rife with engagement.

Everyone and their father seemed to chime in with their varying, absurd takes on what it means to be (or in this case, not to be) a modern man.

The biggest response came from an account that I’ll keep anonymous (I’m not into blowing up people’s spots) but the sheer level of engagement and the ensuing provided list were just too good to pass up analyzing.

Here it is:

Let’s have some fun here- but with a couple of disclaimers first.

Take the Giant Pill of Nuance

Open up wide.

I recognize that these tweets and this discourse uses “gay = bad” type language.

We’re not endorsing that today.

However, this terminology lends itself to the tongue-in-cheek, bemused lens that we’ll assess this with.

It’s breaking down “locker room talk” in real time, and calling stuff gay harkens back to the late-aughts COD lobby meets Red Pill tweeting that is the genesis for modern day content such as this.

For the sake of clarity (and my own beliefs), we’ll discuss whether these items are “manly or not” and leave the gay talk out of it.

This disclaimer would probably be the author’s 33rd (there’s only 32, not 40) thing on his list.

I don’t care.

Why Should I Listen to You?

Assessing this list doesn’t make me the self-appointed arbiter of masculinity. I’m not shooting from ego here.

However, I like to think that I’ve lived enough of a unique life and “touched grass” IRL that I can throw my two cents in here and have it hold weight.

(After all, this is a blog about American culture…)

Masculinity and its offshoots (productivity, lifestyle, values) are something oft-discussed between my friends and I, as well as something I’ve gotten into on the pod with

Elevator Charles

at various points last year.

I’ve also done some pretty stereotypically manly stuff: athletics, business, combat sports… a lot of my life has been spent in high testosterone environments, the type Jordan Peterson would go on about with their respective “dominance hierarchies”.

Think sports teams, a fraternity, MMA gyms, office bullpens- and FWIW I’ve held rank in each of these rather effortlessly.

My “manly” CV holds up pretty hard….until it doesn’t.

I mean, we legit went to Sephora the last time we spoke.

Lots of the Money Twitter/manosphere crew would raise an eyebrow at a lot of core facets of my life and my proclivities.

I don’t do well with spiders.

I have a list of platonic girlfriends, and I actually enjoy when they call me fretting about their day-to-day trivialities.

There’s political beliefs I hold that would frighten the average person- there’s also beliefs I hold that would make you think I should be living on a hippie commune sitting around a campfire.

I’m all over the place, a bit weird, (and yes….chronically online), but I believe this mixture allows me to delve into a nuanced topic without the trappings of posturing or ego.

We’re pretty at home with who we are over here, for better or for worse.

John from Long Island Breaks Down the Internet’s Favorite Masculinity List

Let’s get into the meat and potatoes.

Delving into both sets of 16 would make this an anthology, and if the writer dashboard tells me anything, it’s that shorter reads do better.

(You guys and your cooked TikTok brains!)

Let’s break these down into a way that any guy or girl reading this can appreciate.

You might smile, laugh, roll your eyes, or get a little mad.

Hopefully all 4, if I’m being real.

Being a Democrat

This one has to be looked at from a modern standpoint.

Historically, some Democrats have been some of the most effortlessly cool people on the planet.

Tastemakers, culture-shifters, legends.

Find me one “internet masculinity guru” that wouldn’t want to become a modern-day version of JFK Jr. (You won’t be able to).

Bro was the man.

“Being a Democrat” in current internet parlance is codespeak for the types of people that morphed into utter tyrants during 2020/2021.

Masculine essence at it’s core has an incredible disdain for trivial authority, and the eminence of the sociopolitical tyranny in the early 20’s was in fact, Democratic.

In short?

Having a “D.” next to your political registry? Hardly an offense. You might be a local leader and do great things for your community.

That’s awesome.

However, if you were cheering for others to lose their jobs in 2021 for not subjecting themselves to a 3rd injection of “God only knows what” from sketchy Big Pharma companies?

That’s pretty awful- and that’s likely what this list is referring to.

Noticing what girls are wearing

❌ I’m a huge violator here.

I really don’t get how this is viewed as being some big affront to masculinity.

One of the biggest airballs you see in the online “manosphere” is this idea that you must be some sort of silent, stoic “Alpha bro” at every turn.

Letting your guard down or having creative pursuits actually gets you pretty far.

Women are wired differently than men (shocking, ik)

All too often, men see things purely from a masculine standpoint.

You show up to her place and she has "Tavon Austin: Best WVU Plays and Highlights” in her YouTube search history?

Yeah, that’s a one-way ticket to “knots in the stomach” town.

I get it.

It’s different for girls though.

I’m not saying study until Anna Wintour comes calling to make you an assistant, but if you’re able to clock her latest pickup from Aritzia while you’re out and about, it’s likely to get you further than you think.

Women tend to respond more positively (albeit subconsciously) to intrasexual competition, whereas men usually have an inherent aversion.

That little outfit comment shows that you likely spend time with other well-dressed women in trendy outfits.

This is good!

(You might disagree with my takes, but you can’t say I never taught you guys anything)

Listens to Lana Del Rey

Are we for real here.

❌- I violate this one to the Nth degree, happily.

Perhaps I’m partial, as she’s an all-time favorite.

Norman F—g Rockwell is one of my favorite songs of all time (I had an ex tell me the lyrics applied to me which killed it for about 6 months, but I got over it)

Anyway.

Lana Del Rey has a trait that all great, rare artists have: her sound is instantly recognizable.

It’s pure nostalgic Americana, laced with intricate lyrics that range from airy descriptions of nature to tales of selling cocaine.

The lyrics are delivered slowly and powerfully as she narrates everything from heartbreak and longing to power and euphoria.

She herself would probably laugh at her inclusion on this list, as she’s currently with ( an objectively very manly) rugged, Southern hunting bro.

If listening to “Born to Die” front-to-back while I’m cooking a Sunday dinner gets my man card revoked, so be it.

See how comical (yet fun) this topic can be?

We’re still only getting warmed up.

Using an umbrella

Yeah, going to keep it brief here (and perhaps this relegates me to being a caveman after I just extolled the virtues of a favorite songstress) but…

Get rained on bro.

Hold one if you must, but it better be sheltering a family member/ love interest/female friend/elderly individual/ person of need etc.

Attracted to “muscular women”

Idk what this even means. Too arbitrary.

We traveled in-depth on the Renaissance of physical fitness in America during Modern Fitness Culture and the Admirable Ferocity of the "Gym Girl", which sort of had some takes on this.

What is a “muscular woman”?

Like, just fit and in shape?

Does this mean I get my man card revoked (again) if I enjoy watching the (very beautiful) Sophie Cunningham playing hard and throwing punches defending her girl Caitlin Clark?

Let’s move on from this one.

Splitting the bill on dates

I can’t believe this one is an argument in the big 2025.

You could be a guy taking a cute neurosurgeon with a trust fund out for a date and you still better pay that damn bill.

“Gets Offended”

Oh, I’ve totally aligned with OP on this one.

This one is an epidemic.

I love topics like these that let my stereotypical Long Island Italian side bleed out into my words.

Guys “getting offended” has got to stop.

Look, being offended is natural.

Somebody says something awful about your or somebody you care about?

Obviously it’s offensive.

The issue is in the method of resolution, not the feeling of the emotion.

Too many guys resort to passive-aggressive back channeling or kumbaya-style “peacekeeping” efforts.

Have guts, go directly to the source.

Men are meant to hash things out 1 on 1, not sprint down the hallway to HR.

Drinks “oat milk”

Oat milk put in quotations as if it’s some undeterminable substance that falls out of the sky.

Wouldn’t a guy who drinks oat milk skew health-conscious? Isn’t that good?

I like almond milk, should I affix another red X to this paragraph?

“Slams down Uber Eats when he’s north of 30% bodyfat” would’ve fit so much better here.

I’d have co-signed that one in an instant.

Hates Donald Trump and Elon Musk

This one seems inflammatory and partisan, but it’s actually pretty easy to break down.

People’s views and opinions are a spectrum, we all know this.

My interpretation here is less about viewpoints and more about behavior, much like our chat about “getting offended”.

I don’t see it as you’re not a man if you didn’t listen to the entirety of Elon and Trump’s respective Joe Rogan Experience episodes (but they were awesome).

It’s about not breaking out into hysterics if you’re someone who dislikes them.

Very easy litmus test here- if a guy who doesn’t like Elon or Trump can still say that they’re very successful in their respective lanes in life, even though he doesn’t care for them?

That’s legit. You gotta ride with that.

If the same guy absolutely crashes out and calls a man who built a multi-billion dollar real estate company/personal brand and another who is a wildly successful billionaire innovator “idiots”, then yeah…not great.

That’s illogical and hyper-emotional…and deservedly on the list.

Scared of bugs

❌ / ✅ - partial violation here.

I hate bugs. I don’t care for spiders, either.

Still, I’ll rise to the occasion and kill bugs when I’m in the situation I have to.

It’s pretty amusing how this list goes from largescale sociopolitical viewpoints to something as grade-school level as being scared of bugs.

Big lesson to be gleaned from a frivolous topic, though: Be afraid, but do it anyway.

You can be scared of the cockroach, but you still gotta grab a (preferably giant) wad of paper towel and go to war.

Scolds men with high sex drives

I’ve never encountered this and didn’t realize it’s a thing.

Curious, however, if anybody reading this has.

I also could not picture a man scolding another man for having a high sex drive.

It’s one of the great burdens of manhood.

You’re dashing through Whole Foods on the post-workout high, trying to get in and out and you cross paths with some Lululemon mom and now you’re envisioning conquering an entire continent for her and you forgot why you came to the grocery store in the first place.

(It can’t only be me…don’t make me feel weird)

All kidding aside, the thinkpieces and dialogue regarding the dearth of healthy dating and fertility are legion…so shouldn’t we rather be rolling out the red carpet for the hormonally healthy among us?

These articles are everywhere…definitely worth a look in a future ‘stack.

Wouldn’t that help reverse these trends?

It’s all so crazy.

Letting your girlfriend drive

Ahhh let’s toe the line again, get back to stirring the pot.

This one is totally legit, and another epidemic.

Last summer I was at a day party about 2 hours north of Long Island.

A couple I was there with dropped into conversation that they had “split the driving” for the day.

Split the driving? On a whopping four hour *total* journey with a break in between?

These are the types of viewpoints that might anger the more progressive amongst us, but this isn’t coming from a place of questioning aptitude or encroaching on freedom.

Some things in life just have a natural order.

Most girls I know hate to drive.

The ones that don’t? Almost none of them drive for fun or leisure.

Don’t believe me? Ask the next woman you talk to if she ever “goes on a cruise to clear her head out” and watch her look back at you like you’ve got three heads.

This cute photo above came from a Pinterest board called “Passenger Princess” that had almost 1,000 posts.

There’s a reason that alliterative term is in our lexicon, and there’s a reason it’s searchable hashtag.

Take the wheel (and have water bottles and little snacks on hand).

Argues with women

I’m going to switch this to argues with anyone.

Disagreements are fights are normal occurrences in friendships or relationships, but there’s a difference between fleshing out differences (even passionately) and airing one another out like an umpire and a manager out in public and giving onlookers a show.

If I’m reading this line item right, it’s more about emotional control.

There’s a way to settle disagreements without blasting off on the other party as if they’ve punched you out on 3-2 on a ball 10 inches off the plate.

In Parting

Assessing viewpoints en masse and tapping into cultural groupthink is always enjoyable.

This was half-serious, half-kidding, but 100% fun to write.

That’ll be all today, we’ll have part two later in the week.

I’ve got to cook myself dinner ❌

….and listen to some Lana ❌

Be well.

<3

-John Abbate

13.8.2025